Currently (08.24.15)

Bringing it back old school. Hoping to make this a (semi-) regular feature 'round here. No promises. Ever. Because I'm writing while entertaining two sweet ragamuffins, which makes it hard as heck to get stuff accomplished on the computer. But the weather is nice and they are happy outside with me, so I'm trying.

Excited for: This is a big week 'round these parts -- Clare is staring preschool on Tuesday! There will definitely be pictures and more on that later in the week. (At a minimum, Charles is off this weekend, so I'll get something pulled together then.)

Thinking about: Peter's sleep/teeth/whatever issues. 'Cause man, does he have them. Every time I feel like we have him sleeping well, something happens and we regress, regress, regress. I blame teething, but I don't know. He's just not the best sleeper, and he's a great example of how different kids need different things, so what worked for one just might not work as well for the other. 

But he's walking and throwing (EVERYTHING) like a pro, so there's that.

Reading: Thanks to Peter not napping, my afternoon time has been pretty limited, so I've not read nearly as much as I would like to have. I'm stalled out mid-way through Go Set a Watchman, but because I'm "reading something," I haven't picked up anything else. Dreaming of a day when I have more time to read -- wishing it didn't mean wishing away the future.

Making: I'm getting back into my bread routine. The weather has been ever so slightly cooler, so it kicked my bottom back into the kitchen. I made these beauties Friday afternoon. 

Artisan baguettes

In Residency: One more week of this rotation (outpatient pediatrics), which means lots of clinic time, which is more of a mixed bag for all of us than you might imagine. I think we're ready for another service month. Remind me of this in 4 weeks when we're sick of OB and so so so ready to be off service again. ;-)

Grateful for: The aforementioned break in the weather. It was beautiful all week -- cool in the mornings, not too hot even in the late afternoons. Spoiled. We've been able to go to the park and the zoo and go outside and on walks. Plus, we've had some rain and cloud cover. Lovely weather never goes out of style.

From the train ride at the park. 

Praying for: I have several friends who need prayer for various situations. Praying for them. 

Lessons in Parenting {What I Learned at My Daughter's Swim Lessons}

This week and last, I am earning that classic parenting merit badge: take child to swim lessons.

Clare is many things. Among them: adorable, hilarious, too smart for her own good, obsessed with a wide variety of cartoon characters. Natural athlete, however, is not on the list. But for any number of reasons, we decided that a stint of swim lessons before the summer ended was in her best interest.

It has been so good for us all. Each morning, Clare suits up in her purple tank (with tutu, thankyouverymuch), we make our way to the indoor pool and . . . I leave. I drop my baby girl off with her teacher and trust her to someone else for 45 minutes.

Okay. Fine. I go sit with the other moms (and wiggly little brothers) at a table on the other side of the glass enclosing the pool area. And we watch.

Sometimes, I'm so proud of my girl, making slow progress but learning all new things and venturing (quite literally) into untested waters. She's mostly smiling, and we haven't had any tears, so I consider that a win. Other times, though, I want so badly to swoop in -- to correct behavior or to encourage or hold her when she's unsure or upset. 

I'm watching the pains and joys of my baby growing up, and I'm seeing my parenting life flashing, once more, before my eyes. 

I mean, yes, it's only 45 minutes and yes, I can see her the whole time, but even so, I'm learning to let go. I'm learning that her life is not mine. I am experiencing letting go. I know this is merely the first step of many in this process, but it is just that, the first step.

As my kids grow up, go to school, leave the nest, I won't always be there to see every little thing that happens. I won't always be there to fix things. I wouldn't normally label myself "control freak," but when it comes to my kiddos, I'm might be more guilty than I'd like to believe.

I think that all of this seems a lot more real, because I'm staring down the barrel at preschool in a matter of weeks.

Okay. Fine. It will be 2.5 hours two times a week, but . . . that means the college dorm is just around the corner. I know. I know. It goes so fast. The days are long, but the years are short.

Today, I don't have a lesson or a moral or a conclusion. I'm just sharing a bit of my Mama Heart. I know that things will work out, as they do, when you trust God (and the people you're trusting your children's care to). I know that my girl is going to thrive. She's going to fly (even if she can't swim). And I will be there on the other side to celebrate, to fix what I can, to be there no matter what. I know that's what counts. I do.

But man, letting go. It's harder than I ever imagined.