Friday, May 15, 2015

Crosses, Sacrificial Love, and the Facebook Article I Needed to Read

I've talked about it before, but night float is hard. It might not be the worst, but that doesn't mean that it can't still be hard.

Yesterday was hard. Wednesday was hard. I was struggling. I was lonely. I was all kinds of ready to spend my evening typing out a post complaining about how **** hard this round of night float was. Poor me.

But then, I scrolled past an article on Facebook. I had scrolled by it a time or two already, but, in a moment of hiding from all the hard in my life, I clicked through. And I was convicted. Thanks, God.

The article was written to address the future-focused mentality of many medical families, especially those still in training, but I think the message is good for any of us in the trenches of childbearing and rearing. Always waiting for the promise of a brighter day robs us of the blessings that are right in front of us now.

But this offshoot is what got me: the advice to acknowledge something as hard without getting caught up in it. Because I'm so not good at that. I tend toward the Pollyanna, because once I see the muck, it's like quicksand. I find myself sinking deeper and deeper, and not doing much to get out of it. 

It doesn't have to be that way. See, what the Catholic worldview gives us is the knowledge that things may be hard -- the crosses in our lives -- but they are also good. They are sanctifying. They teach us to die to self. They help us create hearts the are for God, not for ourselves and our worldly comforts and desires. 

Night float, for better or for worse, is a sacrifice. Charles sacrifices his comfort (believe me, he wants to work nights, well, not at all) for the good of his patients, and for the long-term good of our family. The kids and I sacrifice time with him for those same goods. Acknowledging that it's hard, and then moving on is a healthy point of view. Acknowledging that it's hard and then turning into a snippy, angry, shell of a mom is not.

Know what finally got me out of my funk yesterday? I said a prayer. I asked God to give me the grace to get through my day, to get through the rest of the week.

When will I ever learn?

It practically goes without saying that my attitude improved after that. I got some rest and was able to hit reset. And know what? If I'm honest, the rest of yesterday was still hard, but it was easier to get through once I stopped thinking only about myself. Go figure.

And if night float is a cross, so be it. God willing, it will be one I bear with grace.

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