The Struggle is Real: My Reading Woes as a Mama of Littles

Stop me if you've heard this one.

Growing up, calling me a book worm was probably a little too tame. I was more of a "book boa constrictor." I devoured as many books as possible. I spent my summer days pouring through stacks of library books half as tall as me, until my mom sent me outside for fresh air and sunshine in the afternoon. My cousins, on more than one occasion, hid my book from me to force me to interact with real, actual humans. 

And, in part because I read so voraciously, and in part because of my mom's guidance, I read a good mix of quality fiction, a little nonfiction, and the Baby Sitters Club (and other cotton candy books). 

All the way through law school, I read for pleasure as much as I could. I had learned to not start a novel the week before finals. I can proudly say that there is only one book from all my years of education that I didn't (at least) skim -- Walden -- which I keep meaning to pick up again. I suspect I'd have much deeper appreciation for it now than my too-cool-for-nature teenage self. 

When I was teaching English, I didn't read for pleasure nearly as much as I would have liked, but that part of me still felt fulfilled, as I spent hours dissecting reading to prepare for class. Plus, when I did read, I had a great excuse for reading fluffy YA material: I wanted to read what my kids were reading (and using for book reports). 

Then came the babies. Since Clare was born, reading has been at a pretty predictable ebb and flow. It goes like this: I don't read books for too long. I find myself spending too much time doing that idle web browsing of nothingness that is not so much not-fulfilling as soul-sucking, so I pick up an easy read. I tear through it. So I pick up another, and find myself tearing through four or five books of little substance. 

Great! I have my reading groove back!

With that feeling, I pick up a weightier book. A classic. Something that's really worth reading. And while I enjoy it, I need to give the book a little more attention: I can't read in 3 minute spurts before another Angelina Ballerina book is thrown at me as a little bug climbs into my lap. And don't get me wrong -- I love reading to my kids (mostly!), and I love that they love books as much as I do -- it's just that those little spurts make it hard for me to do much by way of quality book reading. So, I stall out on page 57, and since I'm "reading" that book, I go a few weeks before I pick up something light and start the process all over. 

I don't mind reading fluff, but I don't like how little non-fluff I've been working into my diet.

This year (starting yesterday when I finalized this resolution), I'm going to try a couple of new things, and I'm recording them, because it helps when I say stuff "out loud."

1. I'm not going to feel bad if I read mostly fluff. Reading fluff is better for me all around than non-fluff.

2. I'm giving myself permission to buy a few books. I'm not blowing the budget on books (which I easily could), but I'm buying more than I have in the last 5 years.

3. I'm reading real books. I think eReaders and eReading apps are great for certain seasons, but when I'm reading on a device, I'm distracted by all the other junk on my phone and don't read as much, or with as much focus. 

4. I've chosen one book (Kristin Lavransdatter), as the book that I'm going to focus on as my "quality book" when I'm wanting to read better something better. I'm not, though, putting pressure on myself to finish it before I start something different. It's a long book. I'm not even putting pressure on myself to finish it this year. 

5. I'm getting back to spending my morning quiet time doing spiritual reading -- either Scripture or a religious book. I was doing really well until Christmas then . . . too much feasting, not enough praying.

So that's it. That's my reading plan. For now. We'll see how it goes.

Why I Decided to Read "Go Set A Watchman"

Like any number of fellow To Kill a Mockingbird fans, my reaction to the news that a companion piece would be published were as follows:

What?!?

Wow!

Can't wait?

Ummmm . . . things seem sketchy here.*

But I'm going to read it anyway.

I placed the book pre-order in and out of my Amazon cart for months. I got on the waiting/hold list at the library. I hemmed and hawed. 

Then the negative reviews started pouring in, and I grew ever more dubious. Not intending it as a game changer, I brought the brouhaha up to Charles the other night.

"Well, you have to get it."

I tried to articulate my doubts, but I realized that they would not be assuaged by not reading out of popular protest. I was going to read the dang book, and this is why:

1. It would have been published posthumously if it weren't published now. That's how it has gone in publishing for as long as memory serves. In a few years, Harper Lee will pass. The manuscript would have been discovered and published. Yes, the current circumstances are somewhat suspect, but that hardly affects the end result.

2. It is unfair to judge a work of art based on what we want it to be. Most of the criticism of Watchman seems to center on people not liking Atticus' portrayal, but, as much as I love me some noble Atticus Finch, I can't make a work of fiction go my way (unless I'm writing it, I guess), any more than I can make real life go my way. Liking the way things end, the way characters are portrayed or the message the author sends are all well and good, but not liking them does not diminish the rest of the value of the work.

3. If you take Watchman's origin story at face value, it was not written as a sequel to Mockingbird, or even as a companion piece, but as a sort of first draft, or rejected version that got a total rewrite to tell a different, earlier story, which became a Great American Novel. Even if you choose to believe that it was written as a sequel to Mockingbird, though, the mere fact that it was not previously published means that it was not quite ready for prime time. It was not edited, refined, perfected. It was rejected and wholly rewritten. It deserves to be read for what it is, not rejected for what it is not.

Ultimately, I decided that I need to read Go Set a Watchman for myself and judge the book on its own merits, as it deserves. I bought the book this while I was running errands earlier this week. I'm trying to read with no expectations -- easier said than done, of course. It makes sense, considering how carefully I've dissected Mockingbird, but even though I'm in the earliest chapters, I've been pleasantly surprised at how easily I slipped into Lee's comfortable writing. I feel home again. 

We'll just have to see how the rest of the novel plays out. I mean, we all know that sometimes, you just can't go home again.

*For those who aren't following the story, the Wikipedia article details it well. In short, the manuscript was "discovered" by elderly Harper Lee's lawyer and agent, and plans for publication were soon in place. Plenty of people have cried foul given the tenuous state of Lee's health and the sure financial success of the publication of Watchman.

What We Read Tuesday {WWRW}

I was feeling a little bit masochistic and a little bit curious yesterday while I was putting books away. Since the house is basically littered with children's book from the time Clare wakes up until we put her down at night, this is actually a project every night (and the giant belly helps notatall).

Anyway, I came up with the idea of recording what Clare brought us to "wead" in the course of a day. We're working on "wead pweese." And, even at 23 reads, it was actually a somewhat low-key reading day (at least judging from the mess I should be straightening)! It also doesn't count the books she "read" to herself throughout the day. Yes, a couple of these are non-seasonal. But they were all her choices. Everything is (non-affiliate) linked just for the sake of the curious (especially for the less well-known choices). I've also included Clare's "name" for the books, mostly for posterity.

Showing me the "posows" (Apostles -- it took me awhile!)

• Go, Dog. Go! (x3) (Go Dah Go)
• You Are My I Love You (Wuv wu)
• Just So Thankful (x5) (Paympul)
• One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish (Fishes!!)
• Bats Around the Clock (x2)
• The Cat in the Hat (Cah Hah)
• If You Take a Mouse to the Movies (x4) (Mouse)
• Hop on Pop (HahPah)
• Sophie Skates
• The Gospel for Little Ones (Gohpah Lil Wah)
• I'm Not Sleepy (x2) (Not Seepy)
• The Christmas Story (Kismah Sowee)

I just hope that her early love of reading, and sometimes shocking attention span for it leads to a lifetime love of books! That would make all the dog party conversations well worth it!!

Also linking this up to What We're Reading Wednesday, 'cause I'm semi-rebellious like that.

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 42

Joining Jen -- thanks as always for hosting us!

1. Today is Charles' last day of "work" for 2013. It was the last day of his neurology rotation, and the rest of the semester is "off" for residency interviews. He spent the morning in the hospital, and was free to go when they finished up there, which was before lunch. Crazy! How is the year almost over?

2. I reflect again and again (and so probably mention again and again) the surreality of passing time. On one hand, you just live day by day. Time passes. Things happen. It seems natural that kids grow, new ones come about, milestones that once seems impossibly far away come and go. Then you stop and think. Hold on! Wait! What?!?!!? How is Clare so big? How am I already 19 weeks pregnant? How is neurology over? How it is interview season? How did we get here? What happened?

19 weeks, deceptive shirt -- I am not this small in the bump department

3. Charles also happens to be fighting a cold, so he's snuggled up on the other side of the couch playing Risk on his phone. He enjoys trying out new strategies on the phone, because the games go so quickly with the computer aspect. This means I'll never, ever play against him at Risk again. It was already rare, because "World Domination" too often equals "hurt feelings," but this is the nail in the coffin. I have no hope at ever winning ever again.

Via

4. Poor Clare has been cutting molars for weeks now. She was only occasionally crabby (but very drooly) for the cutting of most of her other teeth, but molars, man. Molars have been awful. One has been fully emerged for a couple of weeks now, and I can feel parts of the other three when I manage to get a (clean) finger in her mouth to check her gums. Poor kiddo. Hopefully, it will be over soon.

5. I'm pleased to report, if only for myself and my sanity, that Clare seems to have passed her 'rip pages out of every book upon impact' phase, and has now firmly placed herself in the column of "my daughter" by flipping idly through the pages of any book she gets her hands on. She is also sitting still through longer books, which makes me happy. I'd much rather read Hop on Pop once than I love You Through and Through 50 times. She still likes her shorter board books, but at least I get some reprieve now and then. I'm pretty sure all parents can relate. Still counting down the days until we can reasonably read chapter books. That's 16 months, right?!?

6. I know it's already all over Facebook/the webz, but I really enjoyed this piece on the American Girls dolls. I've been saddened by the retirement of the original historical dolls and the rise of the "modern girls" dolls. Business and blah blah blah . . . but the historical dolls were my heart. I had Kirsten, who looked nothing like me, but whose stories I loved. I read the catalogue cover to cover, even though it rarely changed. I read all the books, checking them out from the library way after I was the age to read them. I love the history section at the back of the book. I'm a history B.A. with a reading problem, what can I say? I think the lack of historical perspective and passion for reading among (obviously not all) kids is saddening. I have lots of semi-articlate thoughts that could amount to several terrible, rambling blog posts, so I'll just leave it at that.

Via

7. Charles is off interviewing most of next week, so I anticipate lots of evenings of "turn on the tube and knock out a blog post." Get excited. In the mean time, prayers for safe travels and good health are always appreciated. :)

Have a lovely weekend!

What We're Reading Wednesday -- Vol. 2

I don't link to WWRW often, because I feel like I've been slogging through the same couple of books (or Goodnight Moon) for-ev-er. I'm a terrible reader in that if it's something I should read, something edifying or real literature or whatever . . . slog. When it is something light and easy (YA fiction, holla!), I'm negligent in my other life duties as I tear through the pages. What I need is balance.

Ahem.

Anyway, yesterday I woke up to a hot, cranky baby with a tick of a cough and runny nose. Bye bye plans to run errands. Hello day at home with a sick baby (who seems to be on the mend today, thank God!). During the course of my day at home, I actually saw some TV commercials. I rarely watch/pay attention to commercials, but it tends to happen when I'm holding a clingy baby. And in a move that would appall my former self, I'm totally disconnected from pretty much all entertainment "news" media. Life is better that way. For sure.

But . . . it meant that I was disconnected enough to somehow NOT know that there is a movie version of The Book Thief coming out at Thanksgiving.

No, wait, I didn't express that right. There is a movie version of The Book Thief coming out at Thanksgiving!!!!111!!!eleventy!!!1!

Via

So, I dusted it off to give it a quick reread so that I can properly assess how much they butcher the book when I get around to seeing the movie. We rarely see movies, but somehow, there are two movies Charles and I HAVE to see coming out around Turkey Day. (Catching Fire being the other one -- what was that I said about YA fiction? But in my defense he loved the first movie and wants to see the 2nd.)

I have something of a love/hate relationship with The Book Thief. I taught it to both my 9th graders and 12th graders the year before Clare was born. Nothing ever went over well with the seniors. My freshmen, though? Perfect book for them. Kids that age always seem to be super interested in the Holocaust, and I think this book provides an interesting take on it. There are lots of avenues for discussion and lots of literary stuff to learn about.

But oh my gosh, does it drag at times.

In the end, everything comes together beautifully and makes sense and most of the dragging bits seem a lot more necessary. But getting there the first time, for me, wasn't easy. It really is better on reread. I'd recommend it with someone to discuss the book with for advanced/mature junior high through 9th grade and (technically) independently for anyone else. There is some harsh language and violence (it is about WWII, after all), and a touch of non-sexual nudity. None of it is particularly gratuitous, more literary in nature. There are definitely themes that are best unpacked and discussed. It is not a book I would hand a kid and say, "Go to! Have fun!"

Anyway, I'm sure the movie will be a disaster (they've already appeared to change the narrator -- HELLO!!! major issue right there!!!), but I've given so much of my life to reading the darn thing. Rereading it. Re-rereading it. Writing quizzes. Grading quizzes. Discussion. Papers. Life of a teacher stuff, that I have to see it. And I have to reread/skim it, because this (semi-spoiler, I guess. But I don't know if you can actually glean anything from it):

I wanted to tell the book thief many things, about beauty and brutality. But what could I tell her about those things that she didn't already know? I wanted to explain that I am constantly overestimating and underestimating the human race -- that rarely do I simply estimate it. I wanted to ask her how the same thing could be so ugly and glorious and its words and stories so damning and brilliant. (Zusak 550)

gets me every time.

Happy Reading!

5 Favorites, Vol. 8

Linking up with Grace who's helping Hallie soak up a little post-baptism family time. 
 

Really, this post should be written by Clare, but since her grasp of the English language is still, ummmm, developing, I have taken it upon myself to help her out. These are her 5 favorite books at the moment. For the record, all links are to Amazon, but I don't have the whatever you call it when you get paid for click throughs, so that is just a matter of convenience not commerce.

1. Puppy and Friends -- "I love the puppies and pat them to let them know. Mama seems to think I care about the touch and feel parts, too, but I just care about the doggies."

2. Touch and Feel Pets -- "See above. Except that I love all the animals, even the kitty. And the lizard does feel really cool! This was my favorite Easter basket present."

3. The Littlest Turtle -- "I especially love it when the turtle kisses me when Mama reads. It never seems to happen when I read it by myself. So confusing."

4. You Are My Cupcake -- "I may be crazy, but I'm still a girly girl at heart. I love desert and sparkles. Win. Win. Plus, Mama eats me up in the end and that makes me laugh and laugh!"

5. Toes, Ears & Nose -- "I may not care about parts of my body yet, but ripping the flaps off was super-fun before Mama took my copy away!" (Note from Mama: we have a second copy....shhhhhh! don't tell!)

Happy reading (of books and lists)!

5 Favorites, Volume 7

Wednesday link-up 5 Favorites Style.

1. My iPhone. Of course. I need not say more.

Via AT&T website last week

2. Touch and Feel books -- Clare loves them and that, in turn, melts my pathetic, book-loving, easily meltable heart.

3. Kindle App -- I'll never enjoy reader-reading as much as I enjoy reading real books, but the convenience is undeniable. As such, I've actually found myself reading again! A reading Ashley is a happy Ashley.

Too lazy to resize my screen shot. Forgive me.

4. Living close to family -- In one week, I've gotten the chance to see lots of family: my in-laws, my cousin and her kids (twice), my aunt, and I hope to see my dad and his SO in the next few days. I'm spoiled and I'm taking it all in, 'cause I know it might not last forever.

Clare playing at Grandma's and Grandpa's

5. Straw cups for Mama -- It's getting hot 'round here, which means that without an IV, you're probably not getting enough water. I do better with the straw, and I know other people who feel the same. Anything to avoid dehydration.

Via

Visit Hallie for more.