Tuesday, July 19, 2016

When It's All Bottled Up

I have barely touched a keyboard in months.

I want to. I want to find my creative mojo and write. I want to share the thousand things in my head and in my heart. I want to tell you about how beautifully God is shaping me with this whole marriage and motherhood thing. I want to tell you about how miserably I fail time and time again. I want to capture this moment in my life, because I see how fleeting it really is.

But yet. 

But yet. The words are just not there. Not where I want them to be. I have so many drafts sitting unloved. Unedited. Untouched. Unfinished. Unpublished. 

People talk about the death of blogging. Sometimes, I see where they are coming from. Sometimes, I feel the frustrating imbalance between not really caring how many hits I (don't) get, being happy to be a small-time blogger. Sometimes, I dream of more. Then I think about the time commitment, and it's time I just don't want to spend . . . on that. Not now. It's not the right time. Not for me. Maybe someday. 

Someday, I want to dream a big dream. I want to write or teach or DO. But right now, that's not where I'm called to be. I'm called to be Mama to these kiddos of mine. And that's more than okay. That's where God wants me. Doing God's will is always the path to joy, even (especially?) in the face of self-sacrifice.

But these thoughts, these ideas, these experiences? They aren't good when they are bottled up. I'm not good when they are all bottled up. 

Can I promise that my hope of wading back into the blogging waters will be fruitful? No. But my fingers are itching, and that is something I haven't felt in awhile. I'm hoping to run with it, and see where I land. I hope you'll come along for the ride.

Also, where else will I share pictures of my crazy kids being crazy?

1 comment:

  1. I get these sentiments so much, I hope you do get a chance to write a bit more, not just for your readers but mostly for yourself, both today, and years from now when you will be so glad you have some way of coming back to the little mundane details of this time which really will be not forever!


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