Great Expectations

(My 5 minute word art has sure come in handy this year!)

I'm working on it. Really, I am. And these last impatient weeks of pregnancy have given me ample opportunity already.

This pregnancy has been objectively very similar to my pregnancy with Clare. No morning sickness to speak of. No issues or surprises or problems (so far). Just trucking right along until D-Day.

What has been turned upside down and inside out are my expectations. Since things seemed so objectively similar between the pregnancies, I expected them to be the same in all the subjective ways. And I expected L&D to be more of the same, too.

But that hasn't been my experience. Not really. Not at all.

I've spent much more of this pregnancy worrying -- about the health of my baby. About my health. About every.single.little.thing. I loved Clare in the most natural, easy way possible, but, in a lot of ways, I took her for granted. She just was, and nothing could be purer or more perfect. Mr. Man, somehow, seems like more of a miracle -- maybe because I know more or have seen more or am just more aware. But I've loved and worried over him in ways that I never did with Clare.

Already, I get the idea of loving your kids equally, but differently, in a way that, before kids, I could never quite wrap my mind around.

She never loved the bouncy seat until we got it out for brother.

And don't get me started on how differently (and more uncomfortably) I've carried him. Or how different my attitude these last weeks of pregnancy has been. Or how differently I've nested and prepared.

And even so, I got it in my head that Mr. Man would come a week or several days early. Just like his sister. Maybe the timing would be a little different -- he'd be born in the morning or the middle of the night. In my heart, in spite of what my brain and intellect and voice might have said, I expected to have a March baby. Obviously, that was not happening. But it makes sense, in the big picture, that he would keep me worrying and waiting over every twinge and sensation.

And so, I wait. I remain hopeful. I turn to and trust in God's will, His mercy, and His plan, knowing that he has to come eventually. I am trying to be patient.